Life feels weird at the moment and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly why. The drama is old news, happily forgotten, yet still reliving; life will go on from it. I’m no stranger to being in a new place and starting again, this is the third time in five years (hopefully my last but we will not jinx it thanks). Old routines and roles are coming into place, as desired, but with new dynamics and perspective; perhaps that is what feels weird – that disjointed sense of familiar and discovery.
It feels like an embarrassing rehashing, but there are still more times than not when I wish things could have been different; that my x and I could have at least remained friends. Despite everything, perhaps because of everything, we were really good friends – we had good talks and I miss them, every day. I’m not the easiest person to get to know; I feel complicated and contradictory. So I guess when I find someone who knows and understands me on a soul level, it’s hard to let that go. It just feels so fucking sad, such a waste, such a loss. So damn unnecessary. A missed opportunity 😦
Aside from that, life is as good as it gets and I am lucky to have what I do.