Many of you who know me in ‘real life’ understand what’s been going on in my life for the last week. Those of you who I haven’t spoken to, please contact me to find out details.
This has been the worst week of my life. I honestly don’t remember much of it. I’ve been on autopilot, doing whatever I needed to do to ensure the safe return of my baby.
The outcome has been as positive as can be expected. The experience has been devastating. The long lasting effects are yet to be seen. Our time for now is about family and de-stressing and being safe. Plans for the future come next, but they can wait for now.
There have been many silver linings amongst the blackness that enveloped my life. I’ve reconnected with people, I’ve been left gobsmacked at the outpouring of support from friends and family, and my priorities in life have never been clearer.
I count myself as one of the luckiest people in the world, because I am surrounded by the most wonderful people. I could not have gotten through the last week without you all. You, together with the hope of getting my baby back, have been the only thing keeping me upright, moving, and functioning this week. One day, I will work out a way that will accurately express my gratitude. Right now it feels too huge, I can’t contain it, it is overwhelming.
I never wish this experience on anyone. It has been every parent’s nightmare. The worst things have been the seemingly never ending waiting (hours and hours and days and nights of waiting), not knowing – how my baby was, whether she was safe, whether I would ever see her again, where she was, what the future held, and knowing that I was doing everything within my power to do but feeling helpless, powerless, unable to do enough.
My special thanks go out to every law and government authority that I have been in contact with over the last week. Perfect strangers, who I mean nothing to, have gone out of their way for me and my baby. Above and beyond the call of duty. I don’t know how to thank them either, but they will be forever in my heart for everything they’ve done.
My nerves are shot, my baby is safe but mentally fragile, and our future is up in the air. But my greatest wish was granted this week. My baby was returned to me, she is back in my arms, and we are as legally protected as we can possible be right now.
I’m coping, but I am aware that at some stage this will hit me like a tonne of bricks. When I know that everything is done, when I don’t have to be a pillar of strength for my baby and family, when I have some time to myself, that I will fall in a heap, I will collapse in on myself, and I will cry and cry and cry. Then I will pick myself back up and start this year again, the way it was meant to start. My fresh start.