I’ve never felt like a very lucky person. Mostly the opposite, if something can go wrong for me it usually does.
I have found, though, that the times my luck does change and things start to go my way are the times when I’m making all the right choices, moving in the right direction, living a life that I am proud of.
That’s where I’m at right now. Things are falling into place and unexpected lovelies are appearing. I was given some awesome news this morning that has left me feeling as light as air, and I didn’t see it coming at all. I have been humbled by it.
After such a long time in the dark and cold, many tearful phone calls asking whether things would ever get better, sleepless nights, zombie days, the feeling on sunshine on my face and in my life is amazing.
This is not the first time in my life that I’ve had to start again, rebuild from nothing, and although I’d like to think it will be the last time I have to start fresh, that’s what I thought the last time, so one never knows what the future holds. Almost a year of stasis has broken, the rebuilding has begun in earnest, and things are looking good.
The little pessimistic voice inside my head is, of course, terrified of this. Something will go wrong, I can’t possibly have what I want, the world has to balance out giving me good by giving me bad. Some tiny piece of me firmly believes that the more things go right for me, the worse the fall is going to be when it all goes wrong, and is afraid of falling again. The last time hurt too much and I almost didn’t get back up.
I had have a tremendous amount of support, love, and assistance from family and friends to get to this place where I can see the sunshine again. Every thoughtful word, every minute spent patiently sitting with me while I cried and ranted and railed at the world, every act of practical kindness, every hand that reached out to me through the dark, everything that has been given to me over the last year, is carefully stored and remembered. Everything I build from here sits on that foundation and I am lucky to have so many people who care.